After reflection and the coming of the New Year I have found new perspective....Recent years have been trying and difficult for me...I believe God is telling me something...To not lose sight of what is most important..Good health, loved ones, faith and kindness to others....All complaints behind me I am hopeful and content this New Year...I realize I lost sight of what Billy was saying...His real message being....the Smashing Pumpkins aren't going anywhere....They will continue to make music and perform...Which makes me very happy to know after waiting years for their comeback...I have much love for ya Billy....A light and inspiration...to the days of new...Forever wishing you and yours peace : )

Siamese Dream always reminds me of an old friend...We haven't seen eachother for about ten years now...We used to play Disarm...she would play the drums, my sister would play the guitar and I would sing and play bass...Those were the days..it was so much fun..I think I have it on audio tape somewhere...We have recently gotten back in touch on myspace...she saw the pumpkins live recently at red rocks in CO...She said the same thing...Hearing the pumpkins reminded her of our friendship and all of the fun times...I hope someday in the future we can see the pumpkins together...that would be so much fun.

My Dad has been gone about a year now...I never speak of this in my everyday reality of life...People don't want to hear about death and I know they don't want to hear about my mourning...So I am letting this all out on here as it seems harmless enough...no one has to read it anyway...Autumn, its that time of year again...I love the autumn season...I have been listening to Adore lately...It provides an outlet for me...to let it all go, what I have kept inside...The hardest part is knowing that under the circumstances the mention of my father brings about an awkward silence...I am supposed to pretend like everything is wonderful and okay...to act as if he never existed...I won't let the memory of my father die with him...I will write a song in his memory...I will write this "blog"...My Dad was a good man...when he was happy or laughing his smile was beaming...But he also was a sad man....Because he spent so much time turning around and looking behind himself....wondering, wishing he could've, should've done things differently...the mistakes that plagued him so....I understand his sadness as I find myself doing that very same thing in life...I owe it to my Dad to make things right by him...I have to learn to live in the moment, never looking back and analyzing time gone by as it is forever lost...there is no going back..I can't go back I know...We all know...But some of still try in our minds...Even if it hurts us in the end. I will recall only my fondest memories in life...As my Dad is living now through me...so when I miss my dear Dad I will pop in my Adore CD, see his beaming smile in my memory, listen to the music,live in the moment and find comfort in knowing that I will see him on the other side.

I wanted to see the Pumpkins at a smaller more intimate venue so when I saw they were coming to the Fox Theatre in Detroit I had to be there. I went online to get tickets only to find there weren't any available. I tried again and again everyday...finally..two tickets, F1 row P..Decent seats for the price. After having seen them earlier at the Toronto virgin festival I was fully aware of the expensive merchandise that was available..I had to have this lovely hoodie. I bought it in Detroit. I had to have it even though it was pricey because it well worth it to me! Finally I am at the show 10-7-07 enjoying myself...Loving the music, loving the performance..Billy looks and sounds amazing...the fans adore him...He is fascinating and enchanting. Only to hear him go on about "this is not a reunion tour". Apparently speaking to one particular fan in the audience. This was a disappointment. Not because I felt it was intended for me. But because this being my only real communication with the person behind the music. This is not what I wanted to hear. Having been a fan since the beginning and enjoying all of the music. New and Old. I especially love the newer material. I love it all for different reasons. Mainly because it evokes a multitude of feelings connecting me to certain phases in my life, while inspiring me... NOW I (as were others) was lumped into a general group on account of one fan in the audience chanting for more siamese dream. I worked very hard to be able to purchase these tickets and to buy this hoodie. I have spent a good portion of my life being connected to this music. It is a part of who I am and a simple thank you alone would've been appreciated, a lone small soul amongst a supposed "lame crowd". I know there were other fans in that crowd who were eagerly awaiting this moment, who were excited to be experiencing this performance no matter what songs were being played. But having said all this, one thing still remains..the Smashing Pumpkins and Billy Corgan will always hold a very special place in my heart...being the soundtrack to my early adulthood until present...Adore being the soundtrack through a very difficult time dealing with the sudden, painful passing of my father...Yes, Smashing Pumpkins are the ultimate soundtrack to my life...Billy you have fans that have been there every step of the way, following the everchanging path that the music takes us and genuinely enjoying it....It inspires me...to be happy...to be everything I wish to be...to be me. If there is anything I have learned in life it is to count your blessings. We thank you Billy and we appreciate your gift of music as it touches many lives and will continue to touch many more as it exists until the end of time. God Bless.

I planned a trip about 8 months ago to go to Toronto for my 33rd birthday. Went on this website about a month ago and saw tickets on sale for the Pumpkins at the virgin festival in Toronto. What are the odds of this? My favorite band, in the same town playing at a concert a day before my birthday... My husband bought us tickets. It is fate and I am going to be there! What an excellent birthday present : )