[tomoehotaru]

Hey,

You probably won't remember me because we never actually met... like, in person. I just had to check. Well, anyway, I made a comment on your facebook once before it went all private-like, and you told me to go fuck myself. Then you told me you were just kidding and called me... cupcake or something. The other women said "I'd kill for BC to tell me to go fuck myself, and I SO WOULD!" so I did. It was good. Thank you. I love you.

</end>

I mean, P.S. I'm not really crazy.


CALL ME! :)/>


^That was a joke. Kinda. Did you laugh?

Ohhh my God... I had to edit this and say something for myself. I'm so sorry. I have bipolar disorder and I wrote this when I was a little manic. Okay, a lot manic. And I'm editing so soon because I have rapid cycling. You're probably wondering why you should care and why you're still reading this so I'm gonna stop this madness and just get to the point because I don't believe in bullshitting people (which is probably why I can't work now.

I'm really, truly a fan. I love you. Not like Cinderella or Pocahontas (the disney version) love, but like... the closeness. I don't want to be near the fake Billy of whom you speak, but the real one. The real you... because when I was 16 and I managed to get my hands on MCIS I was still planning to kill myself. I had just been diagnosed with severe chronic depression AND moderate Scoliosis (A curvature of the spine which IS extremely painful for me and embarrassing) but something made me stop and think, "I'll give that album a listen. I want to listen to something beautiful when I'm about to croak," and then I didn't do it because, for some reason, it bolstered my courage and re-wired my brain into being hard-wired to live again. I told my parents what I was going to do, and they got me help. I am still on meds today. Still in pain everyday. Still fucked up. But I'm alive BECAUSE OF YOU. Not because of my bullshit excuses for friends, or self-help books, or drugs. So even though I felt you were writing to me and for me (Hey, I'm sick) it doesn't matter that it's not true, because it got me through some of the shittiest parts of my life and it still does.

Anyway, I was gonna drone on and on, but I'm sure you're like falling asleep now. Sorry about that.

Thank you. Really.

-Heather