Now that I think back on it; I can't see anybody saying, "Oh god, I hate the Smashing Pumpkins, bleh bleh bleh" even though, I've heard that enough times from people before. I've been a die hard fan since I was in the third grade, around the time when I first started developing my own complex of music and actually exploring it for myself. I remember riding around with my mom in the car in and we would always listen to a radio station called Q102, out of Cincinnati, OH. I can remember always telling her to crank it after I heard 1979 for the first time, and she was just as much into them at the as I was. I remember being made fun in school for my music, particularly the Smashing Pumpkins, considering they were pretty big on the radio at that time, and for the clothes I wore, but I didn't care lol. I kept to myself for the most part and ignored it all. I got older, and kept my faith in the band, and I followed them around in magazines and on TV, watching their performances nearly every year on Saturday Night Live, MTV, etc, even though I eventually got sick of MTV, I would always be right there in front of the TV anxious for them to come out and play.

The older I got, the more interested I got in The Pumpkins, and the band as individuals, and they gave me something to look forward to. I developed psycho-schematic problems around the age of nine, due to personal conflict, along with severe depression, fits of rage, whatever... and as a result had already attempted suicide nearly ten times by the age of twelve. Nothing seemed to help me anymore, yet, through my entire vendetta I had held on to the Pumpkins, keeping them as my number one outlet for my rage. These "mental" problems that I had developed manifested themselves right to the core of my soul by the time I reached fifteen long and lonely years, and I hit rock bottom.

Everything was getting old fast and I felt like I was burning out. I guess everybody has their own method's of channeling their anger/pain/sadness and I had found mine. The Pumpkins became more of a way of life for me by this time, and I held onto to every syllable as a means of escape in times of desperation. I hold them dear to my heart, as they've given me a reason to live when I thought I knew there wasn't one, and saved my life more than once.

Destroy the mind, destroy the body, but you cannot destroy the heart.

XombieStarr™
Patron Saint Of Pain