Somewhere around 1994: Nirvana was definately over. Kurt died, we lost our hope and I remember one day my best friend came over to me (somewhere at the end of '94, beginning of '95) and told me about another grunge rock band called THE SMASHING PUMPKINS. I laughed about that name. It sounded so damn crazy. And then weeks or months later he played Bullet with Butterfly Wings. The first thing I heard was the singer's squeezed, pressured high voice - I didn't like it. But the riff was okay... hell, the whole damn song was [bad word removed]ing ok! I started to like it. Some weeks later I bought myself Siamese Dream and I loved it from the first song to the last. All that special arrangements, the hate, the love, the emotion in it. Nirvana was ok. But Nirvana was past. In my heart, The Smashing Pumpkins started to be the only reason I survived my puberty.

In 1995 it began. It all began. Love, hate, afraid of loss, parents equal problems, afraid of everything - the typical puberty shit. Every mood was supported by a special Smashing Pumpkins song.

When I think back now, it amazes me how I connect all these things with this band. I mean... everything we did was connect to the pumpkins. When I listen to a song today, I can even smell the summer back then in '95 and '96. I can remember every single detail and how we wanted to form a band, how we learned ourselves to play guitar. E-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g !

So that's how The Smashing Pumpkins are in my life forever. They're more than just a good memory. There so much more. But after Mellon Collie things started to get complicated. Adore was a dark part of my life for me. And Machina was twisted. New love, breaking apart, coming back together... breaking apart in a war.

And now with Zeitgeist - The Smashing Pumpkins are different. So am I. I'm much older. But I like to talk with my best friend about the old times. I like to lie down, listen to Siamese Dream and Mellon Collie and dive into this nostalgic world where we fought the walls of puberty.

Back then... in 1995....